January 10, 2007

  • In keeping with the Blog entry earlier today about "Common Sense", may I submit for your consideration:

    Modern Economics

    SOCIALISM: You
    have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbor.

    COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

    FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

    NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

    BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one,
    milks the other then throws the milk away.

    TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a
    bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and
    retire on the income.

    SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take
    harmonica lessons.

    AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force
    the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a
    consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.


    ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to
    your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your
    brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated
    general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five
    cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a
    Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the
    rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says
    the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a
    new president
    of the     United States, leaving you with
    nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your
    bull.

    THE ANDERSEN MODEL: You have two cows. You shred them.

    A FRENCH CORPORATION:
    You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the
    roads, because you want three cows.


    A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they
    are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the
    milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and
    market it worldwide.

    A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they
    live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

    AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where
    they are. You decide to have lunch.

    A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you
    have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You
    count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and
    open another bottle of vodka.

    A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
    You charge the owners for storing them.

    A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking
    them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine
    productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

    AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

    A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.

    IRAQI CORPORATION: You have 2 cows.  They are a different breed than you neighbors.  You neighbors plant an IED in the pasture and blows up your cows while they graze.

    WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very
    attractive.

    AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good.
    You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. 

    IRISH
    CORPORATION: You have two cows except that they're both bulls. You blame the
    English for lack of milk.

     

KitMcFern

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