From the Prairie Home Companion - Pretty Good Jokes

Did you hear about the three missionaries that were eaten by a tribe of cannibals? The cannibals had Lutheran, Methodist and Roman Catholic missionaries for dinner. The next day the tribe had an ecumenical movement.

Did you hear about the man who fell into the upholstery machine? He was slightly injured but is fully recovered now.

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten
Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the
commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a
commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."

Last Sunday morning Mom had participated in the
communion service - the Lord's table... with young son at her side.
THIS Sunday morning, comfortably seated in the family pew, young son
looked up at Mom and asked, "Wha'cha gonna have t'drink today, Mom?"

FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION!
(It comes bundled with the software.)

The stills ran in many odd corners, the supply endless, corn juice priced at $1.00 and less per gallon.  At gatherings, barbecues, dance, sporting events, auction sales, weddings, funerals, camp meetings, the jug and the bottle were there.  Dr. Allen, in his temperance appeals, found his fiercest opponents "among church members, most of whom had their barrels of whiskey at home."  Even the hardshell Baptist church was not then ready to take a stand against whiskey.  When Mentor Graham, the schoolmaster, joined the temperance movement, the church trustees suspended him.  Then, to hold a balance, the trustees suspended another member who had gone blind drunk.  This action puzzled one member who stood up in meeting and, shaking a half-full quart bottle so all could see, drawled, "Brethering, you have turned one member out beca'se he would not drink, and another beca'se he got drunk, and now I wants to ask a question.  How much of this 'ere critter does a man have to drink to remain in full membership in this church?"

"Abraham Lincoln - The Prairie Years & The War Years" by Carl Sanburg.

I came across this quote and it reminded me of our church in the past couple of years.

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Howdy and Welcome to 2007!

There are times I had serious doubts if we would make it - but alas, here we are.  Mrs. McFern and I just returned from Nashville, TN where we celebrated our 30th anniversary.  30 years, 30 long years!  Seems like yesterday, two young folks walking down the aisle in Oxnard, CA making vows they were sure they could keep for a life time.  How naive we are when we are young!  How could they know, how could they know?  I look back at the pictures and just shake my head in amazement, how could we see, how could we know what was ahead?  The successes, the failures, the kids, the jobs, the churches, the hopes, the dreams and the animals.  It reminds me that my bride and I are taking our place in the great circle of humanity.  We look back and smile - then we turn forward and look ahead.  What's next?  I don't know, but by the grace of God we will face it together.

Nashville was fun but it was also a mixed bag of good and bad.  Southwest lost our pill and hair bag, found it and delivered it to the hotel the next day.  Then ... the hotel lost it for two days.  Boo for the Sheraton Music City.  The people were friendly in the tourist places but a bit standoffish in the community.  Music was terrific, we went to the Grand 'Ole Opry at the Ryman Saturday night.  My profile picture is of the Ryman - The Mother Church of Country Music!  New Year's Eve we went back to the Ryman and saw Garrison Kellor - that was as good as eating pie with Blue Bell ice cream!

Now I must include a RANT in this new years diatribe.  Sunday we visited Woodmont Church of Christ one of those big happen' churches, home of Zoe and all that.  Mrs. McFern and I played the Eddie Boyer game - see how many times you get greeted before you sit down.  The number zero - (0)!!!  I guess the half hearted "'Morning" at the door could count as 1/2.  Hummmmmmmmm................ I don't think I would come back if I were a visitor.

Well that's it for now, my bottom end hurts.  The Ryman has pews and they are not padded!  Even my Church of Christ raisin' could not make up for that.

Mrs. McFern and I went to the big Pro Bass Outlet Store at the Opryland Mall and I got a new hat!  While I was browsing, I came across this little boy crying his eyes out - seems that he had lost his Grandfather.  He was a yellin' and screaming and going on until finally a clerk came up and tried to quite him down.  Se did her best reassuring the little boy that they would find his Grandaddy.  When he finally quit crying she asked, "What's your Grandaddy like?"  The little boy sniffled and said, "He likes those girls down at Hooters and that Jack Daniel's Whiskey!"

The Day After

T’was the day after Christmas and all through the house

Not a person was stirring, especially my spouse.

The packages had been opened with total abandon

And wrapping paper lay strewn, totally at random.

I perked the coffee that would soon clear my head,

Praying to God the batteries soon would be dead.

Then from the den there arose such a clatter

I had to grow close, to see what’s the matter.

A mound of red wrapping paper was floating around,

My heart skipped a beat and I fell to the ground!

I screamed and I yelled, then I reached for a bat,

The grandson grinned – it’s only the cat.

That is enough of this rousing ‘ole tale,

If Moore had heard it, he would surely grow pale.

I wish you all a great Christmas Season,

Please never forget, He’s really the reason.

- You don’t want to know who wrote this, it’s better that way!

Merry Christmas 2006

May things go better for you in 2007!

Dear Readers:

Yes folks I'm back.  I've been sitting around this fall and decided that instead of just stewing about things ... I'll use the power of free press and speech to open a dialogue.  So look for things to come - no one knows the hour or time - even me!

Kit

Well ... I'm back at work!

Kit

Mrs. McFern's Uncle L. and family arrived yesterday from Arkansas.  This particular uncle has had his health problems also and has liver cancer that came from colon cancer.  He is missing most of his colon and a hunk of his small intenstine from various surgeries.  The family is getting old and it bothers Mrs. McFern especially the tendency in her mothers's side of the family for Alzheimers.

Mrs. McFern's mother is doing as well as can be expected.  She sleeps most of the day.  Last Saturday the Hospice nurse put in a Foley so she doesn't have to get out of bed.  The very simple act of doing that was causing her chest pain and a lot of anxiety.  She is eating three small meals per day.  She was able to recognize Uncle L and family and talk a very short time before going back into the fog.

Kit

Mrs. McFern and I are in CA to help with her mother, Betty, who is dying of Pancreatic Cancer.  It is nearing the end and she is at home with Hospice.  It reminds me of the scene in Star Wars Eposide IV where Darth Vader says to his old master and friend Obi Wan, "The circle is now complete ... the student is now the master."  That is what is happening here, the circle is now complete - the mother is being cared for by the daughter.  Time grows short and goodbyes are being said.  Friends and relatives come and wish well - knowing there is no well to wish.

Tonight Betty was with us for a brief time (she suffers from Alzheimers).  Mrs. McFern was able to talk to her and ask questions about the past.  The younger McFerns found it quite humorous to hear the stories, the history that ties one generation to the next.   Pictures were taken, and she remembered names and recognized people.  Then in a flash, she was gone again - into the fog.  It's late now and it took some doing to get her to sleep. 

As  I held my grandson this afternoon while he slept, I sat there and enjoyed the moment.

Kit 

Mrs. McFern is out of town for awhile!